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 Inseparable Bonds

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Sahara
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PostSubject: Inseparable Bonds   Mon Oct 08, 2007 8:53 am

When a Girl named Rahcels parent's divorced, it changed eveything possible.

Rachel decided to stay with her dad whenher parents split trying to get her life ok.

While her mom was off trying to find the perfect man and not even caringabout the fact that she just lost her family

Something tragic happend, just when Rachel thought it could never get any worse.

And There are crossroad's between Inserapable Bond's.


Enjoy, and im bad at discription's. And writing so, it wont be as good as you expected or whatever Smile lol


Hopefully that made sense...


Bye
Smile
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[jasmin]



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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:00 am

ohh well that's awsome when is the first chapter?? Very Happy
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Sahara
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:07 am

Right now, it's kind of lame, but i didn't say i was pro so don't be dissapointed if it sucks.

Ok, here we go.

***********************************************************************

Chapter 1 - The Life Change

So it all started when my parents started fighting constantly for pointless reasons, and even at the age of 16 it still was all clear to me that my parents were never going to get along. My dad, John, was always at bar's and coming home drunk as who knows what, and my mom, Julia, was always depressed because of dad. And that also made me depressed, which made it worst because my grades dropped, and everything was just messed up. One night, my dad went out on a usual Saturday night to play pool at a bar with his friendís. Iíd normally stay up until dad gets home, but I had a long and tiring day so I went to bed. Apparently, in the morning dad wasn't even home yet, and mom must have gone to work. I had no school of course, because it was Sunday.
So I didn't really think it would be a big deal that my dad didn't come home last night. I don't know what fooled me to think that, but when my dad came home he didn't say a word to me. He just went straight upstairs. When mom came home there was a HUGE Fight. They didn't talk to each other for days, but when they finally did, something happened that I really did not see coming, though it was so obvious even a blind rat would have seen it. My parents got a divorce, but I stayed with my dad, because my mom didn't understand me. My dad has always been there for me when all my mom did was yell and get all mad about everything.

And that was when my whole life changed.

***********************************************************************
I'm sorrry if i have alot of typo's.
I'm the typo girl and i havent slept so that make's it worst.

Enjoy, tell me what you think. I love you


Last edited by on Mon Oct 08, 2007 10:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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repentyourselfaway

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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:49 pm

that's a really good beginning!
especially now that i proofread it and made it so much better Smile


Last edited by on Mon Oct 08, 2007 10:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:51 pm

Yes i did, if i didn't have such a bad head ache i would update right now, but i will update as soon as this head ache goes away and i'm settled. lol

And i'm Glad you liked it.
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Sahara
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Tue Oct 09, 2007 12:24 am

Here is Chapter 2, and yes i know jenna is going to get mad at me for my bad grammer.

***********************************************************************
Chapter - 2 SeperateWays

Today was the day mom and dad went there seperate way's.

As mom Drove away i wondered where she was going and why she didn't tell me, it wasn't such a shock she didn't tell me because we didn't really talk much anyway.

" Are you gonna miss her ?" I asked dad as he stared out into space.
" Of course i'm going to miss her, she was a huge part of my life",he said with a soft voice.
" Well yes i know, but what i meant by that was, after all that ......... " he didn't even let me finish.
" It was Her Choice".

Everything went silent and we both went to our rooms skipping dinner.

It was really too hard to sleep when i had so much on my mind and everything happened so fast, so much confusion left with me i felt like i didn't know anything anymore, i don't think i could feel anything, this heard feeling of anger mixed with Sadness. As i laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling i over heard dad talking on the phone.

" Julia we can't just do this to Rachel"
There was a long pause. And then he started again, really loud this time too.
" Well, is it my fault you fell in love with another man?, Was it My fault i wasn't good enough for you?"
After a few more " Tssking " he ended the call and i heard him coming toward's my door.
He came in and saw that i was awake, and let out a really deep and exosted sigh of frustration.
"Having trouble sleeping?" He asked trying to make his tone of voice more tender.
"Yeah, i have alot on my mind"
"Same here, im about to go take a drive, i'll see you in the morning". He said letting out another deep sigh.
"Well, Good Night Darlin" He said after kissing me on the forehead.

As dad was out driving, i finally realized where mom was going, why mom was always so depressed, why she was always on the phone giggling, and why mom and dad always had tention between each other.

It was all because of this guy mom fell inlove with, that's what all this is about.

Everything was finally coming into place.

After getting a few hour's of sleep, that morning i woke up to the phone ringing, just then i didn't know i was going to get the shock of my life.

***********************************************************************

What do u think?? Wink
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[jasmin]



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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Tue Oct 09, 2007 3:32 am

chapter 3???!
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Sahara
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Tue Oct 09, 2007 3:38 am

I will be Writing Chapter 3 sometime soon don't worry,i'm going to get some rest right now so i can probably do it tommorow night.
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:59 pm

awesomee, i see u actually proofread this one more carefully..unless u were just really drunk last time haha jk
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:03 pm

yes, you are the best Grammer teacher ever.
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Applejellie



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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Wed Oct 10, 2007 1:02 am

i'm guessing her dad or mom died,right???
ohhh.....i don't wanna spoil it though!
but it's really really good....
keep going.
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Thu Oct 11, 2007 1:36 pm

Very Happy Story sounds very promissing... Main hero Rachell is in a center of action... a plot is very intresting... moving... and gives you chance for various development... if you are very well experienced with subject you might put it in story so it will become a great discussion about divorce problem and you might show up some good conclussions... but... hmmm... its about future... I hope you will find time and more faith in yourself to write more... You put us in longing for new chapters... good move... use it from time to time... You are not ready to post... let us wait a bit... Art needs more look and care sometimes... specially when this story is good from the start... but yeah... introduction dont say much... but hopefully not perfect introduction dont mean the whole content of story... and maybe you can use it... like eg to to change some plans about the plot... I guess you use not only help with Grammar... its good to involve some more people at least with little parts... I guess some help will always give more add with trust in your talent... So... I guess its all I can tell now... Time to wait for your new adds... so write on... Haha... I feel like I talk a bit like Idol Jurry... Can someone shoot me by words? Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Thu Oct 11, 2007 6:10 pm

***********************************************************************
Chapter 3 - The Phone Call



"Hello", I said answering the phone with a tired voice.

" Hello, this is The The Cleavelan Hospital, And we have called to say that we have your father here he was in a terrible Car accident, he would like it if he could see you"

I was silent for a while, I didn't know what to say, all i know was that these word the guy from the Hospital just said were Echoing in my head.

'Hello Are you there?"

" Uhh Yes sorry ,ok well tell him i will be there as soon as possible."

I said with Great Sorrow, Shock, and Hurt in my voice, it was so obvious that i was worried That i was orderd not to.

" Please don't worry, He isnt in the best condition but we have great hope that he will Progress soon, Good Bye have a good day"

It wasnet me to be this impoliete but all i did was hung up without a word.

I Got dressed imedietly and called one of my freind's to take me to the hospital to see dad.

" Hey Matt do you think You could Pick me up?, My Dad is at the Hospital"

" wow, what happend?"

"Car Accident"

" is he ok?"

"i think"

" Ok, i Just got up, i'll be there as soon as possible"

" k, Thank's Matt"

" No Problem, see you in a sec Rach"

I Hung up and went out Side to wait for matt, while sitting there i thought about how much i would blame mom if anything happend to dad, I know that's mean, but no one can understand how much i despise her right now.

Matt Arrived, i got in the car.

" Now i Remember how awesome and helpful it is to have have older freind's."

Matt Smiled as we drove off.

***********************************************************************

Hope you liked it. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:12 pm

awesome. update soon.
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Applejellie



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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:30 pm

honestly,i'm a little disappointed.
i was hoping a little more stuff would have happened,like maybe on the way there matt had a seizure or something while he drove her there....
or i don't know.
but i like the general story.
it's promising....
farao
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Sahara
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:33 pm

They just got in the car lol The update will have more with them in the car, lol, if only my brain will think of something awesome!!

Well it' cool that you guys like it!!!


Smile
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Applejellie



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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:35 pm

ohh....
from what i see and hear your brain is quite amazing.
you will come up with something completely amazing because of that!!
don't think too hard....let it fall naturally.
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:56 pm

Awww, Thank you!!


Did u Get the PM??? lol
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Applejellie



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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:19 pm

velcome.
not yet!
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Fri Oct 12, 2007 1:14 am

Well!

I just Replied to to your pm!!
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Gloomforever



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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:41 pm

Great update... Good move you introduce new hero... specially when he will be very useful... Yuo play well on emotions and relations between heroes of your stroy... Yup... chapter seems a bit too short... but you put in it meaning of its title... so its slight difrence... cos new chapter will be about something else in diffrent scenario... Sometimes its better to have more chapters... It can help to extend story... Keep it clear... So if someone will have any doubts or wish to come back to previous events... it will be easy to find by title and not too long chapter... anyway the construction is up to you... and long chapters can be more describing... although this artistic style demands experience and can be a problem... if soemone put too much... I remember I was bad in it... too long sentences... or I went too far from topic... Yeah... Dont uncover your new chapter details too fast... keep them in tension... And you are right... Think about new chapter untill you will have this... feeling... yuo know.. inspiration... or how to call it... Yeah... Now I will save rest of my words for new chapter... I... I mean we are waiting for Very Happy ...
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Sat Oct 13, 2007 2:57 am

***********************************************************************
Chapter 4 - are we there yet?


" Woah, Slow down matt"

Matt was always known for fast Driving with his Black Mustang, He never listens to me,
Like never!

" Matt can you Please not drive so fast"

" How much slower do you wan't me to go?"

"If You call this slow, you have speed issues and you need serious help with them"

" And you have Speedophobia and i am here to help you overcome that fear"

" Is that even a word? You need to work on Your Vocabulary"

" I have the bestest Vocabulary Ever Rachel"

I laughed at his New words as he went on speeding.

Matt Accelerated, What a crazy dude . Unfortunatley,there were cops up ahead just
waiting to catch him.

" uh oh"

" Relax Rach i got this, it's all good"

Before even passing the cops they came to meet us and stop us.The cop signaled Matt to Pull over.
Matt pulled over and the cop came to the car door as matt put the windows down.

" Do you know that you were going 30 above the Speed Limit?"

" uhhh", Matt was strangly Speechless

" Will You step out of the car", Said the officer sternly.

Matt got out of the car, just remembering that His license had been expired.

" Great", Matt Said so soft not even an ant sitting on his lips would hear.

" May i See some identification Please??"

" uhh, yes..............sir"

Matt Hand's the card over to the cop.

" Did you know that this Card is Expired?"

" Yes sir"

Matt Never say's " sir", that was quite surprising. The fearless matt looked as Nervous
as if he were supposed to sing infront of The World.

" Ok, Well i'm going to have to give you 2 tickets, for speeding and expired license"

The cop write's eveything up, and gives it to matt.

Getting back in the car as the cop goes away, matt was furious.

" You got this Alright, you were as nervous as a chicken "

" Shut up rachel , first time and i have to get two"

" It's about Time you learn your lesson to not speed and stuff like that on the road"


" I know MOM Thank you for the info"

I rolled my eye's at him and faced forward to see jampacked and endless traffic.

" This is so great!!"

" Calm Down Rach"

" How can i be Calm Matt?!!, Tell me!!"

" Just Relax, that's all i'm saying"

" ugh"

" What now?"

" I left My cell At Home, ugh what if the Hospital want's to contact me, This is Just great"

I was quiet throughout the rest of the drive.
All i wanted was to see my dad, to talk to the docter's.
That's all.
Is that too much to ask for?



***********************************************************************


Well, This was the only thing i could really come up with, i write it now because im going to my aunts house for like 2 day's!
lol just 2, and it feel's like its gonna be 3 years.
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Gloomforever



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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Sat Oct 13, 2007 12:34 pm

I guess you will read it after those *3 years* Razz ... As for story... I hardly believe affraid ... Its written in professional way cheers ... You keep the convo very intresting... Matt bad feature make it even more attractive... A plot of chapter is going well point by point supported by well chosen words... And once again... you prove you have talent to sense and use corelations of people in your story... Its not a story to pass the exam... Its the story to top it Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Mon Oct 15, 2007 9:34 pm

i love matt, he's awesome. and that's normal he would wanna speed..can't wait till i can drive haha.

and yeaa..keep 'em coming
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PostSubject: Re: Inseparable Bonds   Mon Oct 15, 2007 9:43 pm

Matt is the guy with the attitude and all the girl's and stuff, you know thoe consited cool guys?? lol
yeah that's him.
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